How Have You Been The Last 22 Months?

After a brief 2 year break from blogging to find myself, we're back! It's been a great 22 months, I've been to Vegas 8 times in that span, Lost 50 pounds, gained 20 back, not much else to report. But after my narrow escape from either death or infection this past weekend, I felt that I owed the world a record of my most painful injury so far. WARNING: This story is graphic and bloody. If you don't handle gore well and prefer to avoid stories of pain, agony, bravery, and sacrifice, this probably isn't the post you're looking for. Instead, scroll down to my running diary about Ashley giving birth to Brinley--because what happened to me is much more painful.

The injury involves my big toe nail. I was in St. George, Utah this past weekend for a few days of sun and fun with my baby brother Kevin and his wife Emily, my cousin Jess (The Undisputed FC) and her husband Adam, and Ashley. We set out on a hike near the Biggest Loser ranch in St. George, where husky men and women from around the country go to get ready for bathing suit season, thinking that if the campers there can handle the hike, we would make quick work of it. Kevin was suspicious that this was some kind of intervention and that it was our way of checking him into the camp, but a handful of Oreos calmed him down.

We saw the trail and chose to ignore it, instead opting to create our own trail along a beautiful but deadly river. As the bushes on either side of the river got thicker and thornier and made me question my decision to be topless, my brother had a nearly fatal idea--we could take off our shoes and hike in the river instead. With a scorching 70 degree sun blazing down on us, we had little choice but to disrobe from the knees down and take the plunge. I boldly waded in 4th, after all the guys and one of the girls made sure it was safe. We made our way upstream, fighting against the current in shin-deep water, avoiding swirling whirlpools, and wondering if the slimy bottom we were walking in might have healing powers. There is no way the Biggest Loser campers could have handled this...

Suddenly, the geography of the region changed and the bottom of the river was riddled with sharp, agressive rocks. Knowing that life was too short to put ourselves in a position to have sore feet from these rocks, we worked our way toward the riverbank, where my plan was to spell out"SOS" with twigs and dead grass and pray. As I approached the bank, I put my hand on a log to support the weight of my biceps and pecs and was shocked as the log gave way, causing my foot to slip and crash toe-first into a rock that had been sharpened over the course of many centuries by the raging river flowing around it. It was then that everything went black...because my eyes were closed from the pain. I said things in that river that can't be typed--the keys to type those words have not yet been invented, the swearing was so advanced.

Pulling my foot out of the ice-cold water, I watched as at least three drops of blood dripped into the river below. I stood there on one foot for what seemed like 8 minutes, deciding whether or not I cold make it to the bank or to just start saying my goodbyes. Finally finding the strength of five men and the will-power of three Biggest Loser Campers combined, I pulled myself from the depths of the river and assessed the damage. It was not good.

Long story short, I flew home the next night and Monday morning visited a Podiatrist, as the nail was still bleeding and oozing the fluid that is caused by the greatest pain of all. I asked the doctor if it was the worst he had ever seen. He said no, but I could tell he was just trying to keep me from slipping into shock. I had only two options---soaking it in Epsom Salt, or removing the nail. The salt gave me a 100% chance of survival but I was told that the nail would probably fall off anyway. Removing the nail also had only a 100% chance of survival, and although it would be painful to my body and my wallet, I would have a chance to have a normal toe nail in 6 months. I chose the surgery. And then the needle came out...

It was small, compared to Ashley's epidural horse-needle, but big to me. Three injections later, I had a new definition of pain, and texted Ashley that I would trade her places any day the next time she wanted to have a baby. I was getting numb, but not numb enough, and it took three more needle jabs to finish the job. Six needles in the toe is seriously way worse than three, and I think the doctor laughed while he did it, but it might have been me whimpering. He didn't answer when I asked about getting my hands on a handicapped parking pass for a few months--I thought it was a given but so far it hasn't shown up in the mail.

So now I don't have a toe nail on the big toe of my right foot. People aren't treating me like I'm disabled, but I can tell they're thinking it. It could be up to a week before I can run again, although I plan to play basketball tomorrow night to give it a test run. Above all, the experience has taught me that life is short, and if you don't blog for the people that care about your blog while you still can, it might be too late. Maybe next time I lose a finger nail--and I can tell you that there won't be any blogging that day. So to those still reading, thank you for your concern, your well wishes, your encouragement as I recover and teach myself to walk again, and any gifts that you haven't yet sent but will send soon. Here are some gruesome pictures that will make you question why bad things happen to good people....

Time To Get Your Mustache On

After months of no messages from me, the time has come to revive my blog and use it to spread the most important message of 2010 so far. If you are a male and will be in or around Lava Hot Springs, Idaho the second weekend in July, you have an opportunity to be a part of something special--the first Annual Trost-Card-Schaffer-Holloman-Nickerson-Whatever Cody's Last Name Is-Paynter-Jacobsen-Van Horn-Handlebar Mustache competition!

For years, we have visited Lava Hot Springs as outsiders, shunned by locals in the Blue Moon the Wagon Wheel, and that store that sells crystals, magic potions, and other tools of wizardry. They laugh at us for our hygiene, our lack of facial hair, and for wearing regular swimwear in the hot pots (other than the year Kevin soaked in a tank top and cut-off jean shorts). This summer, we show up not as outsiders, but instead with convincing handlebar mustaches to help us fit in during our weekend getaway.

Here are the rules:

- You must be completely clean shaven on May 31st . Please send a photo to me at trostfamily@gmail.com that will be posted on my blog as your "before" picture. Please notify everyone by commenting in this thread if you plan to participate.

- Your mustache must have handlebars (or at least an attempt at handlebars). Other facial hair is optional during the "growing phase" of the competition, but please show up with a simple yet elegant handlebar mustahce. I don't want to see anyone trying to sway the judges with connected lambchops. If you want to grow a Wispy Wiggins, a Meat Grinder, or a Jawbristle, do it on your own time.

- The judges for the 2010 Handlebar mustache of the Year will be (in no particular order): Whitney, Grandma, and the entire staff of the Royal on Friday (each gets a single vote).

- The award ceremony will be held Friday night around a campfire if possible. And yes, awards will be given.

- Women are not eligible in this year's competition, so even if you can, please don't.

-Those with young sons are encouraged to particpate in the optional "Mustache Apprentice Program," or MAP, to prepare the next generation to continue this important tradition.

If you have questions or comments, please submet them before the competition starts. Finally, Whitney, you're responsible for e-mailing this to the entire family. Everyone. Spread the Word.

Putting My Kids To Bed - A Running Diary

Every once in a while, I give Ashley a night off to go get her nails done or do whatever women do when they're not at home. Actually I don't think she's ever gotten her nails done..not the point anyway. When this happens, the unspoken rule in our house is that she puts Brinley to bed and then she leaves the boys to me. My job is to get them to sleep as quickly as possible so I can watch sports, play my guitar, and eat some snacks that are crunchy, since she glares at me every time I bite a food that she can hear. I've gotten to the point where I suck on potato chips to avoid her wrath...not the point, again.

Last night it was my night to put the boys to bed. It was a typical night, here's how it went down:

7:30 - Carter plays Pirates of the Caribbean on the computer and I take Kyle upstairs to start the process. We brush his teeth, put on his pajamas, and lay in his bed reading the Christmas book. We own about 7000 kids books, but every night he wants the same book. It's Christmas-themed pictures with a whole bunch of hidden objects that he tries to find. There's a creepy little Santa statue on each page that we found last night. Early in the bedtime process, Kyle is sweet and lovable. What a great kid! Or is he....

7:45 - Kyle asks for ice water. He won't drink it without ice. He asks me to lay with him and I politely decline. He calls me an idiot.

7:50 - I find Kyle hiding in my closet with Jordan, our annoying kitten. I sternly rebuke him and put him back in his bed. I threaten him with the fact that he won't find any pez under his pillow when he wakes up.

7:55 - Kyle is riding his scooter in the kitchen. He informs me that they don't have wood floors at his preschool so there are no scooters there. I don't care. I put him back in bed and spank him soundly. He calls me an idiot. If you've never spanked your kids soundly and sent them to bed, you might be a terrible parent. I repeat the Pez threat.

8:00 - I take Carter upstairs to my room and put him in my bed since Kyle was nowhere near asleep. I tell Carter a story about an armidillo named Buster. I make up a story for him every night, it's fun for me because even I don't know where the story is going when it starts. The story ends and I rub his back while I sing him his 4 songs. Same songs, every night: Hush Little Baby, Mr. Moon, We're Off To See The Wizard, Butterfly (Dave Matthews). The fact that I have never won a Father of The Year Award is complete garbage.

8:15 - I get Carter his Milk. Kyle yells something about more Ice Water. I ignore him and walk downstairs. He calls me an idiot. Again, Father of the Year for teaching him that he doesn't always get what he wants.

8:25 - All is quiet. A little too quiet. I go upstairs and find Kyle and Carter sitting on my bed talking about Halloween. I'm slightly frustrated. I throw Kyle from the doorway into his bed, turn off the lights again, and shout to both of them that no Pez will be found under any pillows. Brinley wakes up and starts screaming. An hour into bedtime, and all three kids are awake. I sure hope Ashley is having fun.

8:30 - Things are quiet again. I'm just starting to get some work done when I hear Carter whispering to me through the vent. He wants to know if I can come spank Kyle for keeping him awake. I walk upstairs and Kyle is pretending to be asleep. I inform him that I'm 20 times smarter than him and I know he's not asleep. He laughs and jumps on the bed. I swear internally.

8:40 - Kyle asks me through the vent for a snack. I tell him that he can't have a snack and that if he doesn't go to sleep right now, he won't eat anything for the next three days. Kyle calls me an idiot and gets himself a string cheese.

8:45 - Carter yells through the vent that Kyle is keeping him awake. I throw a tennis ball at the vent.

8:55 - Carter is finally asleep - only an hour, not too shabby. Kyle is jumping on his bed asking for another snack. I close his door and lock it from the outside. He calls me an idiot, unplugs his fan, and uses the prongs on the plug to pick the lock like he's one of the Spykids. I spank him and put him back in bed. He calls me an idiot again.

9:05 - Kyle comes downstairs and asks me if I can lay with him. I glare at him. I tell him that I'll lay with him if he goes and waits in his bed for me. I'm lying to him. It works.

9:15 - Both kids are asleep as the garage door opens. Ashley's home from playtime. I decide to eat chips loudly the rest of the night for revenge. Another bedtime, another 2 hours of my life that I'll never have back, just another night in the life of Brian. Tonight I had a basketball game so Ashley put the kids to bed. As usual, it took her 10 minutes. I think it's because they learned their lesson from me last night and bedtime will be easy from now on. We'll see tomorrow night!

Announcing The 2009 Bernie And Kevin Fall Harvestacular!

It's the second most wonderful time of the year! Autumn. The fall. Solstice (I have no idea when that is). It's a time of death for leaves, for old people, and for warm weather. It's the time when Kevin and I begin to build our winter coats and we eat just a little more to get us through the winter.

On Sunday, September 27th, Kevin and I will be hosting a gathering to welcome the fourth most loved season of the year. Beginning at 4:00, we invite you to join us in a Harvestacular! The theme this year is Autumn, so please dress in your warmest oranges, browns, and other earth-tones. This is a potluck affair, so bring something Autumny! Tanna has promised to bring a cornocopia of some sort, and we invite each of you that are harvesting in your gardens to bring something home-grown! We will provide a main course probably, but we haven't really run that past Emily just yet.

If you live in the greater Salt Lake Valley, then this is the place! People are coming from far and wide, but please RSVP to trostfamily@gmail.com if you think you can stop by or if you need directions! There's a slice of pumpkin pie with your name on it (if someone brings a pumpkin pie)! Spread the word!

Fish Fear Me!

What do the above pictures have in common with me you might be asking? Well, as of last week, we are all a serious threat to the fish kingdom. We're predators. We're not afraid to enter the underwater world, where we're not welcome, and take what we want to satisfy our urge for fresh salmon.

About twice a year, I get a chance to go fishing with contacts from work. But when I fish, it's in style, with a guide that takes care of EVERYTHING from setting up our rods and reels to cleaning the fish at the end of the day. It's my kind of fishing! Last week, 4 of us fishing together caught the limit of 16 salmon in less than 3 hours, and then we caught a few more while the guide was cleaning the fish for us to take home.

Next week, I'm participating in a fishing derby, where there are prizes for the most fish, the biggest fish, things like that. I love fishing twice a year in places where it's easy to catch fish! Here are a few shots of the newest fish predator and the salmon that were later, smoked, grilled, and made into a dip!

A Glimpse Into My New World

First, my sincerest apologies to all of you who have set my blog as your homepage. You know who you are. There haven't been nearly enough updates lately, and a lot has changed recently, so here goes.

First, I moved to the Seattle office of my company--same company, just a new location. It's a bigger office and I knew basically no one there when I started at the beginning of July, so it's definitely a new challenge for me. I'm the assistant manager of the branch still, which is great and hopefully this is a good career step for me. Business has been much better the last few months with the market improving, keep your fingers crossed for that trend to continue!

Having been raised on the Eastside, there are a few things I've noticed about working in Downtown Seattle. First, apparently hippie girls with dreadlocks and dirty dogs and/or boyfriends and a guitar are making good money in Seattle, because they seem to be on every street corner. Also, Greenpeace and other organizations stalk the streets looking for suckers to make eye contact with them so they can take a quick 20 minutes of their time. The trick is to pretend you're on your cell phone--it's a trick I learned from Shawn Alexander when I was in line behind him at Teriyaki Madness a few years ago, and it works!

There are also a lot of people with limps in Seattle. And eye patches. And grown men in skirts and combat boots. It's just a different crowd than I'm used to. But it's fun, there's a great energy there. I can walk around Pike Place Market at lunchtime, watch some fish get thrown, get some fresh fruit (and by fruit I mean Doughnuts), and watch the action! It's an exciting place.

I take the bus, which is both good and bad. It's good because I've outgrown the condition that made my carsick when I tried to read in a moving vehicle-that only took 30 years. It's bad because I can't stand being on someone else's schedule, and being crammed in a bus with a bunch of strangers and no air conditioning when it's 105 degrees like it was yesterday is about the most terrible thing you can imagine.

The kids are great--Kyle hasn't worn any clothes at all since Mid June and he's addicted to the Lego Star Wars video game, Carter just wrote his first Christmas list and mailed it to Santa so that St. Nick has no excuses this year about running out of time to find all the gifts. Carter requested an early delivery but I told him that Santa almost never grants those requests. Brinley is perfect except when she cries in my ear, but she's learned how to roll around to get things which makes it so I don't have to get off the couch so often.

More updates soon :)

Soccer Dad

I know it's the soccer mom's that get all the press, but I'm officially becoming a soccer dad. Carter is on a team with 6 girls and 3 boys and I'm having a great time helping out at practices and games. The only problem is that I'm a little too competitive for mini soccer. I find myself hating the kids on the other team. Last week some beast of a girl scored like 6 goals and I wanted to pull a Tonya Harding and take out her knee myself. Some giant kid the week before named Maximus had like 7 goals and I wanted to demand that his parents produce a birth certificate.

The good news is that Carter is becoming a good little soccer player! He scored his first goal last Saturday and I'm pretty sure it was the proudest I've ever been of him. It was a beautiful goal past a pathetic little 5 year old girl goalie. I was glad he scored on her. I hope she cried after the game. Carter has a great coach that the kids all love and we already signed him up to play on a team in the fall. He's a great athlete! I can't wait to pull him out of school in 4th grade to let him focus on sports.

Seattle's Newest Marathon Man!

Well, more of a half marathon man, but what's 13.1 miles in the grand scheme of things? A half marathon is basically a marathon, and I completed my first one this past Sunday and experienced one of the greatest feelings of accomplishment I have ever had.

First some background. I weighed myself January 3rd and realized that I had reached a new all time high. All time highs are terrific except when it comes to weight. So like I had done so many times before, I set a goal to drop a few pounds. I went to the gym that day, stepped onto the treadmill, put it on 6 MPH, and started to run. I used to be a pretty decent runner as a teenager, but it's been a while. After a mile, I had to slow down the treadmill because I was running out of gas. After 2 miles, I was done and thoroughly ashamed that I had fallen so far out of shape.

Over the past 4 months, I have worked out 6 days a week without missing a day. I've done mostly cardio, mixing in just a little weight training here and there. I have tracked everything that I have eaten counting calories obsessively, and I've dropped 45 pounds. I now weigh the same as I did when I graduated high school, a great feeling for sure! I'm not beautiful, but I'm close.

My favorite workout has been running, and about a month ago, I signed up for the Capital City Half Marathon in Olympia. I know Olympia is a pointless city that's hours from where I live, but it was the only race that fit in my schedule without making me wait until summer. I trained hard, averaging about 32 miles a week over the past month. I did a 9 mile run and a 10 mile run to get used to the longer runs, and then it was time to run 13.1.

I knew I could finish. Ron from the Biggest Loser finished a full marathon, I could surely do a half. But my goal was to run it in 2 hours or less. 2 hours in a half marathon would mean averaging a 9 minute mile. I didn't know anyone else in the race, I was truly on my own, competing against no one but myself, and it was exhilirating.

The first few miles were a piece of cake. On mile 4, I remember thinking that I was going to get addicted to these races, doing several each year. I turned off my iPod and just listened to all the people running near me, it was like being a part of a stampede with people cheering us on as we ran and police stopping traffic to give us all the room we needed. I ran for the first 10 miles without stopping to walk, and felt great for most of those 10 miles.

Miles 11-13 made me want to die. I had to stop and walk 3 different times for about a minute each, and since I wasn't wearing a watch I was convinced that I was going to fail to reach my 2 hour goal. When the finish line came into sight, I tried to sprint, but I literally had nothing left. I ran across as fast as I could and when I looked up and saw the clock, I had run the race in 1 hour, 49 minutes, and 45 seconds. That's an average of 8 minutes and 22 seconds per mile!! What a great feeling!

I didn't come close to winning. Over 60 women ran faster than me. I was beat by men in their 50's as well as men in their teens. But for a guy that could hardly run 2 miles in January, I felt like I had come a long way! I don't know if a marathon is next or not--it's been 2 full days of rest now and I can still hardly walk, but if finishing a marathon feels twice as good as finishing a half, that's definitely something I'm eager to experience!

Pictures to come as soon as I figure out how to post them. My mom and Carter came to cheer me on and prove that I really ran the race to anyone that is doubting me!

Update Time!

Lest any of you should worry that my blogging days were over after the marathon session the day Brinley was born, I wanted to give a brief update. We have been getting a lot of questions about how things are going, so let's skip the pleasantries and jump directly to the point--I'm doing fine. I'm a little tired because Brinley hasn't yet stared respecting quiet hours around here, but I'm getting by. Ashley and Brinley are fine too.

The last 6 days have been strange because I haven't set foot in the office since Monday. I know it's not such a long time, and if I was on vacation in a tropical paradise somewhere, I wouldn't even be thinking about work. But just staying home, watching TV, writing, entertaining the kids, it's weird to do all these things during the week.

Brinley is doing great, she eats like a miniature pony and when she cries it's the exact same sound that the wraiths (dark riders) make when they're closing in on Frodo in The Lord Of The Rings. But she's adorable and we're lucky to have her. I haven't changed a diaper yet, I'm playing the "I'm only comfortable changing boy diapers" card still, and it's working out well for everyone.

I'm excited to get back to work, but I really don't know how Ashley is going to do it without me! I'm the glue around here and we all know it. Hopefully I can leave work a few hours early most days this week to get home and help out. We were lucky to have my mom overnight last night to help with entertaining the kids, and she cooked some great meals and cleaned our house too! We will be sure to invite her over more often! And the best news is that I filed our taxes today, so 8-14 days from now we will be wealthy beyond our wildest dreams!

TTFN.

Brinley!

So these pictures are from my phone because I'm not enough of a Wiztech to know how to get them from Ashley's camera to my laptop, so for now this is all you get, and you will like it. However, I'm counting on someone with a digital camera who was here last night to send me a few better quality pictures.